In life some relationships seem like they last only a minute (your high school crush?). Some last a little longer (it’s a special thing when your barista learns your name and your usual order). Some we expect to be only temporary (yes, Doc, it’s time for my colonoscopy), and some we expect to last a lifetime (your family).

Well if all goes well, your relationship with your fiduciary could and should last not only your lifetime, but also beyond that—including generations to follow. That’s how vital a strong fiduciary can be to family success and happiness. 

But what does a healthy client-fiduciary relationship look like in practice, and how do you ensure that relationship grows into an excellent one? Here are the five must-haves, as I see them, along with information on what you and a fiduciary should do to make it a long-lasting bond: 

Expect regular check-ins. We typically meet with our clients every 90 days at a minimum (and more or less than that if they prefer; we meet with some folks monthly and some yearly). But we find that every 90 days is just about the perfect time for Zoom or in-person meetings so that we can discuss finances or whatever else is on your mind (or check in on any life changes). 

Expect personal touches. When we meet four times a year, suffice it to say we get to know you. Not just the numbers in your bank account, but so many other things—the name of your dog or cat, the health of your aunt, your favorite sports teams, what your kids are considering for their careers, the secret ingredient in that meatloaf casserole, you name it. 

That has nothing to do with money. That’s life. And that’s what relationships are built on—the trust you have knowing that we care about you, your family, and your progress.

Have quick access. Ever been on hold for 10 minutes, 20, 30, or more? And had to listen to that annoying electronic music that can burn a hole in your eardrum? Yeah, me too. And I can’t stand it. Too bad that’s common practice for many large companies. 

With a firm like ours, you’ll get quick access to advisors when you call the office. (Our business model is about serving you well with depth and care, not about serving thousands of people and barely serving them at all.) The point is this: when you have a problem or concern, you need to know you can get to someone promptly, so we make it easy for you to do that.

No question is too weird. You wouldn’t believe some of the questions I’ve gotten serving as a fiduciary. I’ve fielded inquiries about everything from economics to what to do about children who are living in the basement after college or are spinning their wheels in college with no direction. 

All of it is fair game, and our job is to help our clients get solutions and navigate tricky waters (we’ve seen it all, and we often have just the recommendation to help. If we don’t, we’ll research it). 

You can imagine that early on, it might feel odd to tell your fiduciary that you are in a pickle with your spouse about how to spend a year-end bonus because you really, really, really want a new [fill in the blank with your vice that causes arguments with your spouse]. But over time that trust builds and builds, and you realize that a good fiduciary won’t judge you; we only want to help. 

Honesty above all else. For this relationship to work in the short and long term, there’s one key ingredient, and that’s honesty. We pledge to be honest with you, even if the truth hurts (no, you can’t afford the sailboat right now, but let’s work on ways to get one within three years). So, in return, we need you to be straightforward with us.

When all of this works together, you get the final result: a firm that has a team of people with complementary skill sets and specialties who are on call for you to help you navigate and leap over the hurdles in life. I’m proud to say that many, many of our clients have become close  friends. How many people can say that about the robotic voice on the other end of the phone when they’re trying to talk to someone about changing their 401K allocations? Not too many at all.

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